The 5 Least Anticipated 3DS Games

Normally, here at Nintendo 3DS we like to bring you news of the biggest and brightest contenders coming to the 3DS. The thing is, as with any successful console, the 3DS has already attracted it’s fair share of sub-par shovelware and licensed games – and that’s before it’s even be released!

For every Super Mario or Professor Layton, there’s a Martha Stewart or a Lovely Lisa not far behind. Today, we’ll be dissecting the five most dismal prospects on the 3DS horizon. Is this article mean? Immature? Based on no evidence apart from names and past performance? Yes, yes and yes.

Having said that, I’ll eat my stylus if every single one of these titles doesn’t turn out to be some manner of horrible. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Deca Sports

If you’re a loyal Nintendo3DS.org.uk reader (and why wouldn’t you be?) you might have noticed Peter reporting earlier this week on Deca Sports. Essentially a Wii Sports rip-off, Deca Sports imitates the Nintendo sports collection right down to the visual style of the packaging. Here are just some of the things reviewers have said about previous iterations for the Wii and DS; “Bland, uninspired and of questionable value“; “fling this Hudson game into the Hudson River”; “Uneven at best“. In fairness, there’s also been a smidgeon of love for the variety of games on offer, but we assure you; you really can do so much better.

See, even the box?

Lovely Lisa 3D

If you asked “Who on earth is Lisa? And why is she lovely? And is this pornography?”, then chances are you’re not in Tomy’s target market for this title – five-to-eight year old girls. The game is essentially a virtual doll based on Japanese Barbie competitor “Licca-chan”. Lisa has already made made two appearances on the original DS (the second with friends!)

While I can whole-heartedly assure you that I’m not salivating at the opportunity to play dress up and housework with Lisa, it’s maybe a bit churlish to really put the boot in on this one. After all, toy company Tomy really aren’t aiming at gamers with this title. That said, little girls aren’t stupid – the true test of a game like this is whether it has enough interest and variety to appeal to its intended audience.

Lovely Lisa regretted buying a house in Glasgow.

The Penguins of Madagascar/Puss ‘N Boots

A double entry here for THQ, who are ready to bring us – probably – some of the first licensed tat we’ll seen on 3DS. Both of these games are based on not just DreamWorks CGI films, but DreamWorks spin offs. The first, Penguins of Madagascar, is a tie-in with a kids TV show based on the penguin characters from the Madagascar movies. Puss ‘N Boots appears to be based on a forthcoming Shrek spin-off, starring Antonio Banderas’ Puss in Boots character (funny in the supporting cast, but will it carry a whole movie?)

We know nothing at all about these games – not even the developer – but simple economics places our expectations very low. Handing over money for popular licenses is expensive, and the simple fact is that acquiring those names will guarantee a certain level of sales – no matter how bad the game. The general rule for licensed games is that the publisher attempts to put the minimum resources possible into the actual development. The few exceptions tend to be tie-ins aimed at a more mature market – GoldenEye and Arkham Asylum, to name two.

Martha Stewart

Is there a file in there?

The only Martha Stewart game we’d be willing to hand money over for is a Chronicles of Riddick-style jail simulator. The queen of homely lifestyle programming and insider trading is coming to 3DS, courtesy of beleaguered publisher Majesco. Majesco’s precarious financial status suggests that there might not be a lot of free cash around to actually make the product. Smart money, then, is on this title being a half-arsed recipe collection with Stewart’s name slapped on it to sell units. That said; if they do announce Martha Stewart: Prison Escape I swear I’ll pre-order a dozen copies.

WonderWorld Amusement Park

Majesco earns a second entry on the list with WonderWorld. If Deca Sports is a Wii Sports facsimile, then the WonderWorld series is a Carnival Games rip-off – which is worse, if anything. I’ve mentioned Carnival Games before; a rubbish Wii/DS title that shifted millions. Well, WonderWorld is the same concept; an amusement park themed collection of inane, utterly pedestrian minigames. A few years ago, budget publisher Majesco had their eyes set on bigger things, publishing acclaimed titles like Psychonauts, but after a couple of costly flops, they appear to have reverted to type, churning out unmitigated budget rubbish.

Anything I missed?

Thankfully, those are the only 3DS titles that hold no interest for me whatsoever. The rest of the line up is very strong, with titles as diverse as Legend of Zelda, Paper Mario, Metal Gear and Resident Evil hovering on the horizon. But are there any other candidates for inclusion here? Have you spotted any other 3DS titles that don’t exactly fill you with excitement? Let us know…